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Sunday, 10 April 2011

Adopt a blind man and save the world.

Pic: of cute puppy winking at waving to the camera :adopt me"
gocleveland.media.officelive.com

To give you some background to me, both my parents passed away some time ago. So technically I’m an orphan. Admittedly, as I’m now 40 ish,ish!, some may say I’m too old to be someone’s adoptee. But I say "no!" Why should that be the case? As far as I’m aware, there is no age restriction  to adoption.
With this in mind, I’ve decided to put myself up for adoption and I’m looking for suitable candidates. 
In this crazy world of ours we now have a number of choices as to what we can adopt. We can adopt a child, adopt a granny, adopt a tree, a goat, a plant, a park bench, we can even adopt a wild animal. However, I’ve got a much better idea - how about adopt a blind man and save the world.
It’s so sad; I’ve got no old relations I can go round and sponge off when I’m financially embarrassed. Nor do I have some ageing parent to sneak round and visit to get free meals when I’m put on a diet at home. Now, I don’t want you thinking I’m motivated by hunger and financial reward. Although, if I’m being honest, these are major contributing factors in my search.
There are some advantages in adopting me, opposed to a Zebra on the plains of Africa. 
I’m very good at assembling flat pack furniture, as long as you read out the instructions.
If I get you hammered on sherry down the pub, I can still get us home in the dark by using my guide dog. When you pay to fly me on exotic holidays, {a hint there} because I’m blind, we’ll be able to jump the queue to get aboard the aircraft before everyone else. 
If you like dogs you’ve also struck gold. As I’ve got two. One  is a lovely guide dog German Shepherd and the other is layed back retired black Labrador who both just love being spoiled. I can be reasonably entertaining, mainly by talking about me! and my fascinating life.  Something that I have no doubt you will learn to appreciate over time as it fills your otherwise dull and empty days. Plus, I’ve been fully house-trained, and am over the stroppy teenage years. But, a warning, I’m in  my midlife crises phase.  (But being blind there is no danger of killing myself on a powerful motor cycle trying to regain my youth).    
You have to acknowledge I’m starting to look like a very attractive proposition 
Perhaps I should add here I am very progressive, so will accept a lone parent, widow or single sex couple. Well, to be truthful at my age I can’t afford to be too choosy. 
Remember, if you take me on it’s for life. A blind man isn’t just for Christmas…. 


  

3 comments:

  1. Hmm - interesting thought, but as I have 3 horses, 3 dogs and an adopted tiger, not sure if I have funds for another adoption. The dogs look lovely though!

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  2. Hi Ian

    what a funny post! Made me smile, so thank you. I especially liked the thought of you and Renton guiding me back from the pub after a sweet sherry too many. As for adoption, of course I will adopt you. I can be your poor adopted relative in Edinburgh. So if ever you have the good fortune to venture through to this fair City you can come vist, but alas I have little to offer. No exotic holidays planned, no real cooking skills, unless you are into microwave meals, and little in the bank account. But, I have a good set of lugs and I high threshold for boredom, so we should get along just fine! Have a good day and I look forward to your next post. PS I hope Renton is smelling sweeter now after his dip in the pond yesterday.

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  3. What a fantastic idea! Why didn’t I think of that when I lost my job! A word of advice for you; why don’t you request Dave to do it! after all, doesn’t middle-aged adoption come under the big society? Seriously; get him on the blog and sock it to him; with all these followers watching closely; how could he say no!

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